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Copyright 1998-2014
The Globe-Guardian
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Snappy Comebacks*


Snappy Answers to Big Questions

 

For the work-stressed of the world who are challenged daily to produce biting retorts but sometimes can come up with no more than an "oh yeah!?"

button.gif (969 bytes)  Does your stream of consciousness have any fish in it?
button.gif (969 bytes)  Ah! I see the memo fairy has visited us again.
button.gif (969 bytes)  I don't know what your problem is, but I'll bet it's hard to pronounce.
button.gif (969 bytes)  How about never? Is never good for you?
button.gif (969 bytes)  I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public
button.gif (969 bytes)  I'm really easy to get along with once you people learn to worship me.
button.gif (969 bytes)  I'll try being nicer if you'll try being smarter.
button.gif (969 bytes)  I'm out of my mind, but feel free to leave a message.
button.gif (969 bytes)  I don't work here. I'm a consultant.
button.gif (969 bytes)  It sounds like English, but I can't understand a word you're saying.
button.gif (969 bytes)  I can see your point, but I still think you're full of it.
button.gif (969 bytes)  I like you. You remind me of when I was young and stupid.
button.gif (969 bytes)  You are validating my inherent mistrust of strangers.
button.gif (969 bytes)  I have plenty of talent and vision. I just don't give a damn.
button.gif (969 bytes)  I'm already visualizing the duct tape over your mouth.
button.gif (969 bytes)  I will always cherish the initial misconceptions I had about you.
button.gif (969 bytes)  Thank you. We're all refreshed and challenged by your unique point of view.
button.gif (969 bytes)  The fact that no one understands you doesn't mean you're an artist.
button.gif (969 bytes)  Any connection between your reality and mine is purely coincidental.
button.gif (969 bytes)  What am I? Flypaper for freaks!?
button.gif (969 bytes)  I'm not being rude. You're just insignificant.
button.gif (969 bytes)  It's a thankless job, but I've got a lot of Karma to burn off.
button.gif (969 bytes)  Yes, I am an agent of Satan, but my duties are largely ceremonial.
button.gif (969 bytes)  No, my powers can never be used for good.
button.gif (969 bytes)  You sound reasonable. Time to up the medication.
button.gif (969 bytes)  Who me? I just wander from room to room
button.gif (969 bytes)  And your crybaby, whiney-butt opinion would be?
button.gif (969 bytes)  Do I look like a people person?
button.gif (969 bytes)  This isn't an office. It's Hell with fluorescent lighting.
button.gif (969 bytes)  I started out with nothing and still have most of it left.
button.gif (969 bytes)  You! Off my planet!
button.gif (969 bytes)  Does your train of thought have a caboose?
button.gif (969 bytes)  Errors have been made. Others will be blamed.
button.gif (969 bytes)  I am a PBS mind in an MTV world.
button.gif (969 bytes)  Allow me to introduce my selves.
button.gif (969 bytes)  Whatever kind of look you were going for, you missed.
button.gif (969 bytes)  Well, your day is a total waste of makeup.
button.gif (969 bytes)  Not all managers are annoying. Some are dead.
button.gif (969 bytes)  I'm trying to imagine you with a personality.
button.gif (969 bytes)  A cubicle is just a padded cell without a door.
button.gif (969 bytes)  Stress is when you wake up screaming, and you realize you haven't fallen asleep yet.
button.gif (969 bytes)  Can I trade this job for what's behind door Number 1?
button.gif (969 bytes)  Too many freaks, not enough circuses.
button.gif (969 bytes)  Nice cologne. Must you marinate in it?
button.gif (969 bytes)  Chaos, panic and disorder. My work here is done
button.gif (969 bytes)  How do I set a laser printer on "stun"?
button.gif (969 bytes)  I thought I wanted a career, turns out I just wanted the paychecks.
button.gif (969 bytes)  If I throw a stick, will you leave?
button.gif (969 bytes)  Sarcasm is just one more service we offer.

*These were adapted from an e-mail "forward." If you should happen to own the copyright to any of these witticisms, please notify us. The Globe-Guardian makes no claim to copyright regarding this material.


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