Have An Afterlife?
We are greatly saddened by how many of our furry little
friends we see flattened along our roadways on a typical daily drive to work. In a
well-intentioned effort to turn those frowns around, we have proposed a tasteful end for
those unfortunate creatures who wanted nothing more in life than to learn what might lie
on the other side of the road. We think that they would have wanted it that way.
(Also known as "Ringtail Surprise")
Two pounds, reasonably fresh raccoon, cut into one-inch cubes; one-half cup homemade
French dressing; two green peppers, cut into squares; one large onion, cut into one-inch
pieces; one-third pound mushroom caps.
Place raccoon cubes in a ceramic bowl and pour dressing over cubes. Let marinate
two or more hours. Remove cubes, reserving marinade. Alternate raccoon cubes with pepper
squares, onion pieces and mushroom caps on skewers. Brush all with reserved marinade and
broil over hot coals until done to desired degree. Turn frequently and baste with marinade
Moose-and-Squirrel Meat Balls
(Especially useful recipe if main ingredients have been dead for 24 or more hours before
Three pounds, ground moose and squirrel, any proportion; six slices soft white bread;
one-half cup water; one-third cup butter; one-and-one-third cups chopped onion; salt and
freshly ground black pepper; two tablespoons chopped parsley; two tablespoons flour;
one-and-one-half cups milk.
Soak bread in water five minutes. Squeeze excess water out. Melt four tablespoons butter
in skillet. Sauté onion in butter until tender. Combine moose and squirrel meat, squeezed
bread, four teaspoons salt, one-half teaspoon pepper and parsley. Form mixture into
one-inch balls. Chill twenty minutes. Heat remaining butter in skillet. Brown
moose-and-squirrel balls on all sides. Cover skillet and cook slowly 15 minutes. Remove
balls to warm platter. Sprinkle flour over skillet droppings. Stir and cook one minute.
Stir in milk and bring to boil. Season to taste with salt and pepper. Return
moose-and-squirrel balls to skillet. Simmer four minutes.
Pennsylvania Possum Pot Pie
(Often served to unsuspecting bed-and-breakfast tourists in Amish country)
Five-pound possum, cut into serving pieces; water; salt; 12 peppercorns; two ribs celery,
chopped; two carrots, quartered; one onion; two cups flour; four egg yolks; six
tablespoons hot water
Place possum in kettle. Add water to cover, salt to taste, peppercorns, celery, carrots
and onion. Simmer until possum is thoroughly tender, about two hours. Strain broth and
pour into clean kettle. Simmer while preparing remaining ingredients. Remove possum from
bones. Discard bones and skin. Cut possum into bite-size pieces. Sift flour and one-half
teaspoon salt together onto board. Make well in center and put egg yolks into it.
Gradually work yolks into flour until stiff dough is formed, adding hot water as needed.
Knead until smooth, about five minutes. Cut dough in half. Roll each half until paper
thin. Cut dough into noodles about one inch wide. Add possum to simmering broth. Gradually
add noodles. Continue boiling until noodles are done, about five minutes.
Serves eight to twelve.
Skunk Skillet Stew
(A sensory entree, not recommended for the weak-stomached)
Two adult skunks, skinned, deboned and shredded; save scent sacs and set aside; one-fourth
cup oil; one-fourth cup butter; two cups finely chopped celery; one-fourth cup finely
chopped parsley; two cloves garlic, finely minced; one bay leaf; two carrots, chopped; two
tablespoons flour; one cup beef broth; one cup dry red wine; three tablespoons cognac; one
pound ripe, red tomatoes, peeled, seeded and chopped; salt and freshly ground pepper to
taste; juice of half-lemon; one-fourth teaspoon nutmeg; one cup Madeira wine.
Preheat oven to 350 degrees. In large skillet, brown skunk well in oil and butter; add
carrots and stir until lightly browned. Sprinkle with flour. Add broth as needed when
mixture starts to brown. Stir to dissolve brown particles. Add remaining broth, red wine,
cognac, tomatoes, salt and pepper. Place in oven, cover and bake three hours. Strain
gravy, pressing as much of cooked vegetable mixture as possible through sieve. Bring
strained mixture to boil. Add lemon juice, nutmeg, Madeira. Carefully puncture scent sacs
and add fluids to mixture. Simmer five minutes. Pour sauce over skunk.
Note: If any of these species are not commonly found on
roadsides in your geographic area, you may easily substitute such other carrion delicacies
as armadillo, alligator or mongoose meats. Be creative. Bon appétit!
*DO NOT TRY THESE AT HOME.
"Roadkill Recipes" have been created for twisted humorous purposes
only. Consumption of rotting, dead animals of any kind is not recommended and
could result in serious illness or death -- unless you're a vulture.
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