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Do Woodland Creatures
Have An Afterlife?

Roadkill Recipes*

We are greatly saddened by how many of our furry little friends we see flattened along our roadways on a typical daily drive to work. In a well-intentioned effort to turn those frowns around, we have proposed a tasteful end for those unfortunate creatures who wanted nothing more in life than to learn what might lie on the other side of the road. We think that they would have wanted it that way.

Raccoon Kabobs
(Also known as "Ringtail Surprise")

button.gif (969 bytes) Two pounds, reasonably fresh raccoon, cut into one-inch cubes; one-half cup homemade French dressing; two green peppers, cut into squares; one large onion, cut into one-inch pieces; one-third pound mushroom caps.

button.gif (969 bytes) Place raccoon cubes in a ceramic bowl and pour dressing over cubes. Let marinate two or more hours. Remove cubes, reserving marinade. Alternate raccoon cubes with pepper squares, onion pieces and mushroom caps on skewers. Brush all with reserved marinade and broil over hot coals until done to desired degree. Turn frequently and baste with marinade as needed.

button.gif (969 bytes) Serves six.

Moose-and-Squirrel Meat Balls
(Especially useful recipe if main ingredients have been dead for 24 or more hours before harvested)

button.gif (969 bytes) Three pounds, ground moose and squirrel, any proportion; six slices soft white bread; one-half cup water; one-third cup butter; one-and-one-third cups chopped onion; salt and freshly ground black pepper; two tablespoons chopped parsley; two tablespoons flour; one-and-one-half cups milk.

button.gif (969 bytes) Soak bread in water five minutes. Squeeze excess water out. Melt four tablespoons butter in skillet. Sauté onion in butter until tender. Combine moose and squirrel meat, squeezed bread, four teaspoons salt, one-half teaspoon pepper and parsley. Form mixture into one-inch balls. Chill twenty minutes. Heat remaining butter in skillet. Brown moose-and-squirrel balls on all sides. Cover skillet and cook slowly 15 minutes. Remove balls to warm platter. Sprinkle flour over skillet droppings. Stir and cook one minute. Stir in milk and bring to boil. Season to taste with salt and pepper. Return moose-and-squirrel balls to skillet. Simmer four minutes.

button.gif (969 bytes) Serves eight

Pennsylvania Possum Pot Pie
(Often served to unsuspecting bed-and-breakfast tourists in Amish country)

button.gif (969 bytes) Five-pound possum, cut into serving pieces; water; salt; 12 peppercorns; two ribs celery, chopped; two carrots, quartered; one onion; two cups flour; four egg yolks; six tablespoons hot water

button.gif (969 bytes) Place possum in kettle. Add water to cover, salt to taste, peppercorns, celery, carrots and onion. Simmer until possum is thoroughly tender, about two hours. Strain broth and pour into clean kettle. Simmer while preparing remaining ingredients. Remove possum from bones. Discard bones and skin. Cut possum into bite-size pieces. Sift flour and one-half teaspoon salt together onto board. Make well in center and put egg yolks into it. Gradually work yolks into flour until stiff dough is formed, adding hot water as needed. Knead until smooth, about five minutes. Cut dough in half. Roll each half until paper thin. Cut dough into noodles about one inch wide. Add possum to simmering broth. Gradually add noodles. Continue boiling until noodles are done, about five minutes.

button.gif (969 bytes) Serves eight to twelve.

Skunk Skillet Stew
(A sensory entree, not recommended for the weak-stomached)

button.gif (969 bytes) Two adult skunks, skinned, deboned and shredded; save scent sacs and set aside; one-fourth cup oil; one-fourth cup butter; two cups finely chopped celery; one-fourth cup finely chopped parsley; two cloves garlic, finely minced; one bay leaf; two carrots, chopped; two tablespoons flour; one cup beef broth; one cup dry red wine; three tablespoons cognac; one pound ripe, red tomatoes, peeled, seeded and chopped; salt and freshly ground pepper to taste; juice of half-lemon; one-fourth teaspoon nutmeg; one cup Madeira wine.

button.gif (969 bytes) Preheat oven to 350 degrees. In large skillet, brown skunk well in oil and butter; add carrots and stir until lightly browned. Sprinkle with flour. Add broth as needed when mixture starts to brown. Stir to dissolve brown particles. Add remaining broth, red wine, cognac, tomatoes, salt and pepper. Place in oven, cover and bake three hours. Strain gravy, pressing as much of cooked vegetable mixture as possible through sieve. Bring strained mixture to boil. Add lemon juice, nutmeg, Madeira. Carefully puncture scent sacs and add fluids to mixture. Simmer five minutes. Pour sauce over skunk.

button.gif (969 bytes) Serves eight.

Note: If any of these species are not commonly found on roadsides in your geographic area, you may easily substitute such other carrion delicacies as armadillo, alligator or mongoose meats. Be creative. Bon appétit!

*DO NOT TRY THESE AT HOME. "Roadkill Recipes" have been created for twisted humorous purposes only. Consumption of rotting, dead animals of any kind is not recommended and could result in serious illness or death -- unless you're a vulture.

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