The Royal Rummies

Volume XI
Issue 5
May 2008

In days of yore, divinity and royalty were one and the same. Loyal subjects feared both God and King, but the latter generally got a little more respect. Who was, after all, more likely to order your head removed?

Colonial Americans pooh-poohed this concept, took to the battlefields and won their independence. Despite this show of bravado, many Americans retain, to this day, a deeply ingrained need to worship royalty. These individuals form a religism called the Royal Rummies.

The Rummies are almost exclusively an American phenomenon. While the British are fond of their royals, they don't worship them. Had Americans not severed their ties to the mother country so completely, their royal cravings might have been reduced to the more rational level exhibited by today's Commonwealth countries.

The Rummies' royalty syndrome is nowhere more evident than in their obsession with the late Diana Spencer, Princess of Wales. The fascination held for Lady Diana during her tragically short life is exceeded only by the reverence accorded her in death.

In deep respect for the late princess, several companies have marketed products aimed at her devotees since her death. The Franklin Mint, for example, has created the $95 "People's Princess Doll." The Bradford Exchange offers a $30 "Forever, Diana" commemorative dinner plate featuring not one, but two images of the late princess emblazoned on its fine china surface. Portions of profits for either purchase are promised to continue Diana's charitable works, which diverts possible cries of exploitation from followers.

This naturally opens the door to a host of potentially profitable associations by persons, places or things with references to royalty already in place. For a contribution to Lady Di charities, Xena, Warrior Princess, could be endorsed as the "Official Syndicated Television Show of the Royal Rummies." How about Princess Cruise Lines, Princess Hotels and Princess Leia?

Moving further into the ranks of royalty, the Rummies could name Prince Albert (in a can) as its "holy smoke," the Artist Formerly Known as Prince, officially sanctioned male vocalist; Larry King, talk show host; B.B. King, blues artist; Don King, fight promoter; King of the Hill, animated television series; Kong Kong, movie monster; Budweiser ("King of Beers"), official brew; King Crimson or Queen (there can be only one!), rock group; Burger King or Dairy Queen, fast food restaurants; Speed Queen, washer and dryer; and Queen Helene, cosmetics.

The official Rummies tea would, of course, be Earl Grey (hot); cereal, Count Chocula. The Royal Dirt Devil, is a natural candidate for sanctioned vacuum cleaner; Royal Crown (RC) Cola, soft drink. The official card game of the Royal Rummies would, without a doubt, be Royal Rummy.

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