Mission Merchandising

Volume XI
Issue 5
May 2008

Mission Merchandising

Welcome, once again, to the Church of the Rotate Your Envelope Stock.

Alas, with the dog days of summer upon us, CRYES activity has been minimal during the past month or so. Church members have shifted their focus from to doing to planning, probably because they sweat less.

I am extremely delighted to inform you that CRYES will significantly advance its outreach program this fall by establishing its first franchised missionary centers. Scheduled are simultaneous Sept. 1 openings in Reston, Va., Palo Alto, Calif., Conneaut, Oh., New Orleans, La., Norcross, Ga., Cambridge, Mass., Portland, Ore., and Denver, Colo.

I and my flock leaders feel very strongly that our unique, build your own belief system needs to be made more available to the world. CRYES franchise mission centers will expose members of the public who may not have access to the church through our ongoing web efforts.

To make visitors more at ease, each franchise center will be modeled after the typical fast-food restaurant. Smartly uniformed volunteer employees will staff pickup counters and drive-up windows. Brightly colored, lighted panels will display CRYES pantheon and dogma offerings. Visitors may take their selections to comfortable booths for assembly and intellectual digestion, or they may have them packaged to go.

Bankrolled by the inexhaustible CRYES treasury, franchise operations will be entirely free. The church expects to eventually have at least a dozen centers in every state and has tentative plans to expand internationally. Applications are currently being accepted.

Bless you for coming to CRYES, and may your God, Goddess, Gods or Goddesses be always watching your back.

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