A Crisis of Faith

Volume XI
Issue 7
July 2008

A Crisis of Faith

Almost everyone experiences a crisis of faith at some time, even members of the Church of the Rotate Your Envelope Stock.

Our crisis came last month, not because a member of our rapidly growing congregation had begun to question his faith, but because he had begun to acquire a little too much of it. This individual (we'll call him Roger) had assembled a nice little belief system by selecting an assortment of deities and dogmata from the CRYES offerings.

So far, so good. Central to the CRYES philosophy is right of each member to believe what he or she wants. Then came the crisis of faith.

Roger soon developed the unshakable faith that the belief system he had created was so right for him that it was the only right choice for everyone else. He began evangelizing within the CRYES congregation. Once he had succeeded in converting several members less accustomed to making decisions for themselves, he launched a missionary crusade intent on nothing less than a complete CRYES takeover.

My own reaction was one of amusement. Other members of the congregation, however, were annoyed. They felt that Roger was violating the amorphous faith upon which the church had been built, and they demanded action.

Reluctantly, I agreed to a plan designed to encourage Roger to leave CRYES and form his own congregation. On June 26, a day which may forever live in infamy in CRYES history, we acted.

Roger and his followers had just opened a strategic planning meeting when they suddenly found themselves on the receiving end of an avalanche of rotten exotic fruits. Tossing with vigorous accuracy, I and approximately 20 of the more irritated members of the congregation continued to pelt the faithful until they were driven from the CRYES facilities.

Roger has since leased space for his as yet unnamed faith above an old print shop. We wish him luck with his independent endeavor.

Bless you for coming to CRYES, and may your God, Goddess, Gods or Goddesses be always watching your back.

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