couch potato

Volume XI
Issue 5
May 2008

Couch Potato

The much-maligned Couch Potato is the subject of this month's QuestionMan interview. It's an unattractive name given to an individual who, as it turns out, just might be the mainstay of the American economy.

QuestionMan: This may be a difficult interview for me. I rarely watch television, except for PBS documentaries and the nightly news, of course, so I can't really relate to anyone who spends virtually all of his or her waking time glued to the boob tube.
Couch Potato: Sure, nobody watches television. I'm amazed that the industry continues to flourish. Come on, you can tell me. You watch just as much television as the next guy, don't you? You just deny it whenever the subject comes up in conversations with your pseudo-intellectual friends.

QM: OK. I'll confess to watching a classic rerun once in a while, but only if I have absolutely nothing else to do and only programs which offer redeeming social value, like "M*A*S*H*" or "Boy Meets World."
CP: Well, all right. You're still in denial, but at least you're brave enough to come partially out of the Couch Potato Closet. It's a step in the right direction. If you'd like, I can give you the phone number of a good support group for people in your position.

QM: I'll think about it. So, as an openly avowed, practicing Couch Potato, how to you counter the negative perceptions of your ilk?
CP: I simply tell people about Couch Potato contributions to the well being of the American economy. Did you know, for example, that the potato chip, along with the entire multi-billion dollar bagged snack industry, would not exist were it not for the Couch Potato? Not only are we the biggest snack consumers, we are the targets behind the millions of dollars continually put into snack research and development.

QM: I didn't know that, although I probably could have guessed that was the case. Is that the only basis for your claim?
CP: By no means. Speaking of cases, we are also the biggest group buying soft drinks, beer and other beverages to wash those salty snacks down. Additionally, you'll find we are the top purchasers of television sets, reclining chairs and those little refrigerators that make such nice living room end tables. And how about all the rowing machines, skiing machines and other pieces of home exercise equipment we buy, fully intending to use them, while we watch TV?

QM: Well, I'm convinced. Without the Couch Potato, the American economy would probably collapse into chaos overnight; to say nothing of what would happen to the stock market. You're a hero. Thank you.
CP: You're entirely welcome. Now that you know how critically important Couch Potatoes are to your way of life, are you ready to admit that you're one of us?

QM: Yes! I confess. I am a Couch Potato! I watch "Friends," and "Frasier" and "Pensacola: Wings of Gold." I never miss an episode of "Buffy the Vampire Slayer." Television makes me laugh and cry. It's my best friend. I'm a Couch Potato, and I'm proud!
CP: Excellent. I don't think you'll be needing that support group. Now, go forth and tune in.

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