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Notorious Cigar (New York, N.Y., Feb. 29, 2008) -- The most infamous cigar in American political history fetched a staggering $7.6 million in a Sotheby's auction held here Friday. The cigar, which played a juicy role in the Bill Clinton-Monica Lewinsky presidential scandal 10 years ago, now belongs to an unidentified collector of presidential memorabilia. The successful bid came from Felipe Fuente, acting on behalf of the new owner. "My client wishes to remain anonymous," Fuente said. "Be assured that the cigar will be not be going up in smoke any time soon. My client considers the Clinton cigar to be her most prized possession." Bidding for the scandalous stogie began at a modest $1 million. The well-heeled group at Sotheby's rapidly bumped the price upward in $200,000 increments. Bidders began to bail out at the $4 million mark and had been trimmed to a half-dozen determined contestants by the time the final gavel came down. The celebrated cigar had been authenticated through verification of its approximate date of manufacture and DNA tests. Once believed to have been smoked by Clinton following an Oval Office liaison with Lewinsky, the cigar surfaced two years ago in the possession of Biff Armstrong, a retired Secret Service agent. According to Armstrong, Clinton presented the cigar to him in 1996 as a token of appreciation for his discretion. "I had a feeling that cigar might be worth money some day, so I put it in the sandwich bag I had in my lunch that day," Armstrong said following the sale. "I never expected the price to go that high. Hey, I'm a multi-millionaire." Armstrong is not the first to benefit financially from the scandal. Clinton now earns more than a million dollars annually through endorsements for an assortment of adult-oriented products and his Billdoes label premium cigars. Lewinsky earned $7.6 million with her tell-all book, Coup d'États; plus untold millions more through a long series of talk show appearances and her Heads Up line of pre-stained dresses.
Vatican Siege Continues (Rome, Italy, Feb. 17, 2003) -- An uneasy cease-fire continued here early Monday as the standoff between Italian authorities and Vatican crime bosses entered its fifth day. Authorities are seeking the surrender of several cardinals, including Guido "The Don" Corleone, Alfredo "Ice Man" Zamboni and Antonio "The Chef" Boyardi, accused of orchestrating international organized crime activities from behind Vatican City walls. The Vatican maintains that the government has no legal authority over Vatican activities under the terms of the Lateran Treaty of 1929, which recognized the Pope as sovereign of the Vatican State within the boundaries of the City of Rome. The armed standoff began Feb. 13, when Rome police went to Vatican City with warrants for the suspects. They expected little cooperation, but were unprepared for a surprisingly accurate volley of automatic weapon fire from the Pope's Swiss Guard. Four police officers were killed, but return fire left guards miraculously untouched. The Italian government maintains that the Vatican violated the spirit as well as the letter of the treaty, as modified by the a 1984 concordat defining relations between Italy and the Holy See. Relations between the government and the church began to unravel in the summer of 1998, when Cardinal Michele Giordano, Naples archbishop, was investigated on allegations of loan sharking and extortion. The focus shifted to the Vatican in early 1999, after the church refused to pay a $22.7 million sewer bill. A month later, the Vatican also defaulted on tabs totaling $19.8 million in pizza delivery orders from Rome restaurants and another $12.6 million on unpaid video rental, late return and rewinding charges. In all cases, the Vatican officials claimed "financial immunity" through the provisions of the treaty. "God forgive us, we did not want to believe the worst of the Holy See," explained Inspector Pietro Columbo, chief investigator for the Italian state, "but these mounting claims of being above the law forced us to take a hard look into the affairs of the Vatican." Subsequent investigation tied the Vatican to a variety of illegal activities throughout the world. Corleone is allegedly behind 18 national home equity loan-sharking rings in the United States; Zamboni, of "scalping" tickets for National Hockey League playoff games and other sports events; Boyardi, of selling nutritionally questionable, family-style bulk pasta products to American school lunch programs. "We suspect, God forgive us, that these represent only a small percentage of criminal activities for which these men and their associates are responsible," Columbo said. "Once we have secured these individuals and interrogated them, we expect to add to the charges." All electricity, gas, water and sewer connections to Vatican City were cut at the start of the siege in an attempt to force surrender of those named in the warrants. The efforts of authorities have been hampered by fears of damaging world-revered church edifices and anticipation of divine retribution. Soviet Leader Awarded (Oslo, Norway, Dec. 10, 2021) -- Soviet President Boris Nicolai Dostoyevsky was the surprise recipient of the Nobel Peace Prize announced today in the Olso Town Hall. Dostoyevsky received the coveted prize as the driving force behind the democratic reincarnation of the Soviet Union during the past decade. His efforts have significantly diminished bloody ethnic clashes and brought the first semblance of peace the region has experienced since the Union of Soviet Socialist Republics dissolved some 30 years ago. "We had some reservations about tactics used in creating the new Soviet Union," noted a spokesman for the prize committee, "but our consensus is that the means has certainly justified the ends in this case." Dostoyevsky earned business and law degrees in the United States in the 1990s and thereafter honed his abilities under some of the most ruthless CEOs in American corporate history. Upon his return to Russia in 2005, he rapidly rose to power, drawing supporters into his camp through cunning combinations of promises, compromises and frequent flyer mile offers. Upon election to the Russian presidency in 2010, Dostoyevsky immediately launched his campaign to build the new Soviet Union. The glib new president secured the backing of the United States and the United Nations, long weary of police-keeping efforts in the region. Dostoyevsky next appealed to the most heavily persecuted ethnic groups in each of the strife-ridden nations, gaining their cooperation through pledges of protection by Russian and UN troops. To the implied threat of military intervention, Dostoyevsky added economic incentives and guaranteed political input patterned after U.S. state and federal government relations. To the amazement of the world, the fiercely nationalistic republics of Eastern Europe began to cautiously come aboard the new union. In 2012, Bosnia was the first to join after Dostoyevsky promised the nation an exclusive on McDonald's franchises within the new Soviet Union. After two years of intensely observing the effects of union membership on Bosnia, a still suspicious Serbia followed and was granted rights to all Blockbuster video store operations. Petitions to join the union thereafter came at an increasingly fast pace, as states grew concerned that all the good franchises would be taken. Albania got KFC; Croatia, Taco Bell; Estonia, Baskin-Robbins; Latvia, The Gap; Lithuania, Starbucks; Slovakia, Sears catalog sales. Others are now on "waiting lists" for acceptance by the Soviet Union Congress, while some countries are engaged in complex negotiations concerning the terms of the franchise rights upon admission to the union. Poland, for example, is nearing completion of agreement which will create Disney World-Warsaw. "While the new Soviet Union may never end the seething ethnic and religious hatreds which plague this region, its expanding economic opportunities, underwritten by Soviet enforcement of order, have at least defused the situation," the Nobel prize committee spokesman observed. "Most battles in the new era are now being fought by advertising campaigns not military campaigns." [ Home ] |
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