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Volume XIII
Issue 7
July 2010

Blimp Spotters Organize
By Diane Donaldson
National Correspondent

(San Francisco, Calif., Oct. 31, 2000) -- "Look to the skies. Look to the skies, my fellow Americans. The blimps are above us, and they need to be watched. They need to be watched very, very closely."

Thus declared Brig. Gen. Abnes Carthen, founder and commander of the Blimp Spotters Brigade, which held its first general meeting here today. The extent to which her views are shared by concerned citizens was self-evident in the more than 6,000 brigade volunteers who packed the Moscone Center.

The three-day event, in addition to Carthen's keynote speech, included numerous seminars on the fine art of blimp spotting. Venders did a brisk business selling brigade uniforms, insignias of rank and a host of blimp-spotting aids, including binoculars, high-powered telescopes and handsome, leather-bound blimp spotting logs.

"It all started for me one day when I saw the Goodyear Blimp canvassing the Bay area on a regular basis," Carthen recalled. "I didn't think much of it at the time, but the very next evening, as I was telling my significant other of this unusual appearance, I happened to look out -- and there it was again!"

Carthen became immensely suspicious. After all, she reasoned, what better way to be planning nefarious deeds than by piloting an apparently harmless, friendly blimp? She began taking copious notes detailing the time, date, flight patterns and general behaviors of the blimps that now seemed to regularly cast a dark shadow over her previously sunny existence.

"Fans of sporting events have long been accustomed to seeing a blimp overhead, perhaps lulling them into a false sense of security when these airships appear for no apparent reason," Carthen noted. "That may be just what blimp operators want you to think."

Americans should not, Carthen said, take blimps or their spotters as anything less than deadly serious. The biggest fool of all, she added, is the fool who believes blimp spotters are fools.

"What if everyone took that attitude?" Carthen said. "Would our country be safe? No! Nefarious no-do-gooders would know of this weakness in our defense and certainly they would take advantage. Countries aspiring to overtake us would no doubt send weapons of destruction -- not to mention blimps loaded with people -- into our skies and no one would be safe!

"Rumor has it that Amelia Earhart was working with our own government on just such a project when she "disappeared." And Elvis . . . major flatulent individual whose work for the government has long been kept a secret. It is rumored that this blimp -- his ship, not him -- cut loose and is still orbiting, still sustained.

"I'm really surprised you weren't aware of all this, Miss Donaldson."

Carthen emphasized that brigade members are to take no hostile action against the blimps they spot. They are only to record as many details of the experience as they can, then dispatch them to BSB headquarters. There, they will be compiled, compared, analyzed for patterns and made part of a permanent record intended to establish the long-term plans blimp operators hold in store for America.

"We also want these blimpists to know, in no uncertain terms, that many, many eyes are being trained upon them at all times," Carthen said.

"We fully expect to expand our scope to the international level within a very short time," Carthen added. "Who knows what blimpish threats are also being faced by our NATO allies and other nations in which we hold a vested interest?

"We will be using the honor system in our efforts, so no attempt will be made to verify the details of reports filed by our volunteers. We encourage them to include their personal suspicions along with the pertinent details of each spotting."

Publisher's note: The Globe-Guardian has volunteered, in the spirit of its name and out of a sense of patriotic duty, to serve as a communications hub for the BSB. The mechanisms for filing reports and presenting results should be in place by November. Watch for it and, above all else, watch your skies.

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