Truth in Politics
Question: Don't you find the idea that political officeholders
could one day be lawfully given immunity from perjury to be a bit preposterous?
AnswerMan: An honestly astonishing question. Nope, not at all. The Politician Perjury Protection Act would simply be one of
those laws which bows to reality. Americans have long known that their elected officials
lie to them. They just don't want to pay millions of dollars to have that fact copiously
documented.
Reconstituted Rerun Fun:
Part I
Q: I just can't wait for the fall of 2016 and the first completely recycled television season. Do you know if
the networks will be reworking my two all-time favorites, Hello, Larry" and
"What's Happening!!"
A: A clear case of telly telepathy. You're in luck, my friend, because
the Fox Internet Network schedule includes "What's Happening, Larry?" in its
Friday primetime lineup. The half-hour sitcom follows the silly shenanigans of an ensemble
cast of misfits struggling to make a success of a mediocre talk show at an Oregon radio
station. Starring Ernest Thomas as Larry "Raj" Adler, as the well-meaning but
inept show host; McLean Stevenson, as his constantly dieting and appropriately named best
buddy, Rerun; and Meadowlark Lemon, former Harlem Globetrotters member, as himself.
Reconstituted Rerun Fun: Part II
Q: OK, if your reporters can travel into the future for the
announcement of an all-rerun TV season, why they can't go a little bit farther and
actually check out some of these "new" shows?
A: A one-step-beyond question. Of course, they can, but we must show
some restraint in employing PEEKING™ technology. The
more we reveal of events in the future, the more we risk altering those events in the
present. The Globe-Guardian would not want to be responsible for derailing a development
as important to the advancement of Mankind as recycled television shows.
Mockless Monster
Q: Can I submit a question to AnswerMan without fear that he will
that he will use his reserved right to mock me?
A: A frightful question. AnswerMan is extremely tenacious about his
mocking rights. You may have noticed, however, that he generally exercises restraint in
exercising those rights. In any event, all questions are answered on an anonymous basis.
If AnswerMan happens to be nursing a hangover when he gets to your question and, perhaps
unfairly, chooses to mock you, who but you will know?
Sister, Sister
Q: There is a news anchorwoman on NBC named Applegate who looks as if she
could be Christina's sister. Could you confirm this?
A: A celebrity babe comparison question. Yes, AnswerMan viewed Jodi
Applegate, part-time anchorwoman for various NBC news functions, and your suspicions are
confirmed. She does look as if she could be Christina Applegate's sister.
Have you checked out "Jesse"? She looks like she could be Kelly Bundy's twin
sister. Hey, Jesse and Jodi are both on NBC and both have two-syllable names beginning
with "J." Could we have stumbled on the first incident of network celebrity
cloning?
[ Home ]