Tag-Team Matchups: Part I
Q: If Superman and Lois Lane had a tag-team wrestling match against Batman and
Robin, who would win?
A: A heroically super question. Let's see, Superman's powers would work
pretty well in the ring. He could use his super strength and super speed, of course, plus
heat vision and supercooling breath might come in handy. He could use his X-ray vision to
see what Batman and Robin were hiding in their utility belts. On the other hand, Batman
and Robin are exceptionally resourceful. Bruce, er, I mean Batman, could conceivably use
his connections to get his hands on some Kryptonite. If either he or Robin held a knife
made of some type of Kryptonite alloy to Lois' throat, I guess Superman would be forced to
concede the match.
Tag-Team Matchups: Part II
Q: OK. How about Batman and Robin against the Undertaker and Kane?
A: Ah, an inexplicable follow-up question. No contest there. Batman and Robin,
you see, are only fictional superheroes. The Undertaker and Kane, however, are as real as
professional wrestling itself. Actors playing the roles of Batman and Robin, such as
George Clooney and Chris O'Donnell, if they were unwise enough to step into the ring with
the Undertaker and Kane, would quickly be annihilated.
Amish Ambush
Q: It was extremely cruel of you to pick on the Amish in your last issue. Why
not attack some more deserving group, like the Episcopalians? ("The Pedestrians")
A: A plainly worded question. The Globe-Guardian and its staff of hundreds have
nothing but respect for the Amish, who are simply decent folk and enterprising furniture
builders as well. The target of the attack was the trivial points of religious belief
which can foster formation of yet another sect. So, what have you got against the
Episcopalians?
Mac Attack
Q: Frankly, sir, I am outraged by your depiction of the iMac as a lost alien artifact. Are you not aware that this new Apple
machine is the finest computer to be marketed since the Lisa? ("Suspected
Alien Device Found")
A: A Macintosh maniac question. Well said, sir. And I wish you every bit as
much luck with your eight-track tape player and your Betamax VCR.
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