Sonic
Impressionism
Q: I don't suppose Answerman knows how to explain how the sound gets
into the record/cassette/CD without his using the word "frequency."
A: A complex question requiring that Answerman plumb the very depths of his
technological expertise. The simple answer is osmotic saturation. The process is identical
for all three media you cited. The blank record, cassette or Compact Disc is placed in an
airtight, soundproof sonic reproduction room. The walls of the room are lined with
high-quality speakers wired to a sound studio, which provides the source of the sounds to
be imprinted on the blank media. Once the destination media are in place, the room is
sealed, and the reproduction room is flooded by the source sound. The media absorb the
sounds transmitted until the desired playback saturation rate is reached. The amount of
time required to overcome media resistance to sonic imprinting is determined by the number
of reproductions being made and the quality of the sounds being used. Several hundred
reproductions of Beethoven's Symphony No. 9, Op. 125, for example, can be
"loaded" in less than 90 minutes. At the other end of the quality spectrum,
virtually any country western piece requires more than two weeks of constant sonic
bombardment to render the same number of reproductions. Sonic reproduction facilities
throughout the world are being used to imprint country music with alarming frequency.
Oops!
Educated Inquiry
Q: How come you think that American high school students are not reddy
(sic) to go to work, like you sed (sic) in your " 'Skillies'
shipment intercepted" story?
A: Undoubtedly a question from a new high school graduate. According to my
newly hired communications director and senior vice president, Khanh Han, "the
complex interplay of educational and occupational forces in today's global economy
increasingly puts recent domestic high school graduates at a distinct competitive
employment disadvantage, vis-a-vis their foreign counterparts." I graduated from high
school more than 30 years ago, so I understand a little of what she said. How about you?
The Name Game
Q: What's the story behind the name of your publication?
A: A question of great historical significance. The Globe-Guardian
takes its name from its venerable video predecessor, the Hooterville World Guardian,
which, as any Green Acres scholar knows, brought the news of the world to the
good citizens of Hooterville, Pixley and Petticoat Junction. The name was altered due to
probable copyright infringement as well as the possibility that current cultural
connotations associated with "Hooterville" might lure visitors to this web site
under false pretenses...not that there's anything wrong with that.
Unmooning Moon
Q: Nobody else I've asked seems to know the answer to this one, so I'll try
you. Why does the same side of the moon always face earth?
A: A question of astronomical proportions. In her younger days, it seems, our
lovely lunar companion "mooned" the Earth on a regular basis. As the eons
passed, the quality of her backside deteriorated, as most backsides are wont to do, and
the moon became quite self-conscious. To avoid embarrassment, she altered her rotation and
opted to keep her derriere in the dark. Telephotos relayed to Earth by planetary probes,
however, indicate that from a distance, our moon's posterior still looks quite comely.
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