AnswerMan

Volume XV
Issue 2
February 2012

Masculine Ingenuity?
Question: How come guys know how to do so much stuff?
AnswerMan: A question of misperception. Guys don't really know how to do all that much, but they are always ready to take things apart in often misguided efforts to make repairs.

Most guys follow the philosophy that if something is already broken, they can't make it any worse by trying to fix it. (They should not, however, be allowed to apply this philosophy in certain situations, including aircraft in flight and explosive devices.) On rare occasions, guys will, much to the amazement of their significant others, actually succeed in their missions. Some will even reassemble the devices they have deconstructed and leave few or no leftover parts.

These guys will then store the knowledge they have gained, re-apply it to similar situation they later encounter, thereby astounding any witnesses to their handiness.

Skeeter Bait
Q: Why do mosquitoes attack some people but not others, and why do their bites itch so damn much?
A: Bloody good questions. Mosquitoes, as everyone knows, hunt in packs. The lead mosquito will assess and choose the intended victim while the others swarm nearby awaiting her signal to begin their vicious group attack and feeding frenzy.

You can greatly reduce your chances of attracting the attention of the lead mosquito by avoiding certain behaviors. DO NOT become a straggler or wander off into heavily wooded areas. DO NOT appear to have your arms disabled. DO NOT throw chum into nearby waters. No, wait, that's for sharks. Well, same thing. DO wear heavy clothing and sensible, closed shoes. DO quickly cover any minor wounds you sustain. Once a lead mosquito catches the scent of blood, it's pretty much like ringing a dinner bell for the pack.

The itch of the mosquito bite is Mother Nature's way of protecting victims. If you did not receive that warning following the first bite, you might not realize that remote areas of your body, such as the toes and ankles, were under sustained mosquito attack. You could hit the ground, a bloodless, lifeless corpse, before you even became aware that you had a problem.

The Jackson Six, Five, Four...
Q: How many Jacksons are expected to appear at the reunion planned this fall at Madison Square Garden?
A: A countdown question. Well, let's see. It began with Jackie, Tito, Marlon, Michael Jermaine, the original "Jackson Five," plus Randy. Then, Jermaine and Randy had a public beef with the show producer, calling into question their appearance in the show. Then, Randy was back in and Jermaine was still out. Still later, both Randy and Jermaine were planning to participate. Hey, just for planning purposes, why not bill the Jackson appearance as "The Guess Who"? Fans could then be billed as "The Guess Who Cares?"

Re-Dividing the Pollution Pie
Q: I see that the Kyoto world climate includes provisions allowing participating nations to do "emissions trading." What does that mean?
A: A gassy question. Emissions trading was included by the Kyoto provisions to draw the world's most massive polluter, the United States, into the agreement. Not only did fail to do so, but it undermines the basic purpose of the agreement -- worldwide reduction of greenhouse gas pollution and global warming.

Emissions trading basically allows developing nations with low GHG emissions to sell their unused air pollution "credits" to more industrialized nations which are spewing more than their shares of carbon dioxide into the atmosphere. This arrangement has the effect of increasing overall emissions by allowing buyers to convert non-polluting "credits" into genuine greenhouse gases. I'm sure this would make sense in the Bizarro World, but it's not doing this world any good.

Getting Physical
Q: Do violent demonstrations such as those during the recent summit in Italy change anything? Do they make world leaders change their ways or opinions? Isn't there a better way?
A: Bruising questions. Well, like your mother always told you, violence never solves anything. You must admit, however, that in situations over which you have no control, violence certainly does a good job of making it clear that you are unhappy with your lot in life, plus you can get a little exercise overturning vehicles. World leaders, of course, rarely change their ways or opinions, unless their tenure in office becomes threatened by their current viewpoints. A far better way is to work within the system, ensuring that you get new leaders sympathetic to your cause in a position to effect change. Yeah, right. That will happen.

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